How to Write Your Wedding Vows
One of the biggest parts of the wedding ceremony is “The Vows”. Let’s face it, it’s what everyone came to hear. You can have nice prayers or readings in your ceremony, but what everyone leans into, and what gives everyone a tear in their eye is the words you say to your partner. And this is the framework for how you will treat your partner for the rest of your life, so it better be good. No pressure!
I always tell my couples that you already know what to say to your partner. You already know how to talk to them in that special “language” between the two of you, and probably have already given your lifelong commitment long before your wedding day. But this is your chance to sum it all up and wrap it with a golden bow, sealing your promises to each other. It makes it super real when you make a formal declaration (even if it is to the wind).
Start with a little brainstorming or free writing. Take some time, both separately and together, to think about what you love about each other and what makes your relationship special. Write down the most memorable moments you have shared together, good or bad. Think about the promises you want to make to your partner, and which ones you don’t. Think about the hard times you experienced in your relationship and how you grew together as a couple.
Consider the questions below. After reading the question, take a mental note of the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t give yourself more than a couple of minutes to flip through your thoughts. This shouldn’t be something to add stress but an exercise in feeling the joy of how much you absolutely adore this person you are marrying. You don’t have to write long answers, or address every question. Just start writing something and you can edit later.
- What is the single greatest thing about the person you are going to marry?
- When did you realise she/he was the one?
- What little details make you smile when you think of him/her?
- How do they make you feel special?
- How do you balance each other out? Is he/she super-organised, whereas you’re more of the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type?
- Why are you getting married? What does it mean to you?
- What is your favorite memory of your partner?
- What have you learned from your partner/relationship?
- What struggles have you gone through?
- What promises do you want to make for a happy marriage?
- What do you look forward to in the future?
Now that you have some things on paper, set it aside for a day or two. You’ll probably think of various details to your answers as you go about your day, but don’t dwell on it. Then after a day or two (don’t procrastinate or over think it!), choose the most important phrases/sentences and delete the rest. Next, consider your writing style. Is it proper and formal or flowy like a poem? Are you a straight shooter who gets right to the point, or do you weave a theme through the whole thing? It doesn’t matter how you write them as long as they feel natural to you.
Then think about the structure – give it a beginning, middle and end. Maybe start with why you fell in love or what you admire about them, then mention an interesting aspect or circumstance in your relationship. Then talk about how you got to the altar and what marriage means to you. State your promises and look toward the future to wrap it up.
The finished product should be less than three minutes to keep your guests enthralled, unless you are doing your vows at your “First Look” then you have time for longer (and more intimate) vows. Most of all, let your vows reflect who you are as an individual and as a couple. They don’t have to be overly clever or super romantic, so don’t labor over them too much. Your partner will swoon at anything you say, and your friends and family will always think it was just lovely. I have witnessed hundreds of couples pledge their lives to each other and it is always awesome every time. Trust me, you got this.
Would you both like some help with the vow writing process? I can make them personal, special, and above all, make you look brilliant. Just fill out a questionnaire, and I’ll email back a draft that we will work on together. Want me to print them up for you into cute booklets? No problem. I’ll take care of the big part of the big day for you so you can focus on your sweetheart.