Why You Should Work on Yourself Before You Get Married

One of the most powerful things you can do for your marriage is to face your own inner self. To take an objective and constructive look at your mental, emotional and physical health and decide if this package is what you really want to offer your partner. Rather than seeking the marriage to complete you, you should be looking to evolve into a better person to complete your marriage.

When it comes down to dealing with our own personal baggage, many of us can think of a hundred things we would rather be doing. It’s kind of like cleaning out an old, stinky closet, where anything could be lurking from the past. But Personal Process is the key to healing the wounds of the past and moving forward in a kind, productive manner. It is also crucial for developing the skills needed to navigate the emotional and psychological issues that come up in a relationship. How can you possibly tell your partner to clean out their baggage “closet”, if you slam the door on all your own crap and pretend it’s not there?

What we often fail to realize is that we can change our beliefs from childhood and change ourselves and our experiences of the world. Once we face our emotional baggage by first acknowledging, then accepting the experience or belief, and then by taking action steps to change it, we can let go of negative defensive patterns that have shaped our world and build a world that serves us in a positive way.

What is “Personal Process”?

There are many methods for working with all those old beliefs, but basically, Personal Process is using different psychological and emotional methods for creating self-awareness and acceptance – not for judging your past or criticising your habits and tendencies. It is a structured way of being objective about your beliefs and feelings with an intention to work towards more truth in your relationship with yourself and others. And, ultimately, it is about creating peace within so you can share it with your partner and family. Personal Process work can be difficult to do on your own as it is tricky to not buy into your own bullshit and excuses. 

Personal Process is a dedication to work on yourself – to become a better person, to have better relationships, to have a better life. Maybe even find true happiness? Some of us don’t want to do Personal Process work, as it forces us to get real with ourselves and to let go of certain beliefs and behaviors. That can be difficult to do on our own, as change and letting go is often scary and uncomfortable. But we need to remind ourselves that we here to serve our partners, our families, and ultimately God, through our marriage so that we can experience personal evolution in return.

Basically, it’s your job to work on yourself so you can offer your best self to your marriage and others.

When you work with your own emotional baggage and become aware of your patterning, there is a huge possibility for personal growth. There are deep lessons buried under all that stuff in your closet, but you won’t reap the benefit until you do the work. You not only need to be aware of your own behavior, but also be open to a new way of being. This leads to more powerful beliefs and actions, and then you realize that you do not need to go into the unproductive defenses as much.

Letting go of the past (which is no longer real) and embracing the present moment (which we think is going to be just like the past, but we’re usually wrong) gives us the opportunities to challenge those old patterns, change our behavior and release what is no longer serving us.

What Are The Benefits of “Personal Process”?

Let’s face it, we all need to work on ourselves in some way, but we don’t prioritize it the way we should. If someone told you they had a product, method, or magic bullet to give you the following benefits, you’d be all in. You owe it to your future self, future spouse, future family to become something better than you are now. You may be awesome right now, but you can always do better. Consider the following benefits:

So How Do I Begin “Personal Process” Work?

There are many self-help tools out there that can help you find greater clarity and improved psychological and emotional wellbeing. Anything that helps you create new beliefs, heal old wounds, and change your triggers and reactions can be useful in your Personal Process. It often involves a combination of reading books, attending therapy, doing yoga or tai chi, doing journaling or breathing exercises, meditating or praying, and keeping healthy self care habits to cultivate a more peacful (and fulfilled) mind, body, and spirit.

You don’t have to do anything extreme to improve yourself, just start doing what helps you feel better, little by little, day by day. Let your feelings be your guide – explore and do what feels good. Then do more of that. Repeat often and update your habits as needed.

Are you feeling a little nervous now and thinking you might need some help before the big day? Don’t panic, I have created a premarital online course that will give you powerful insights about your psychological patterning and how it shows up in your relationships. I’ll provide you with lessons, relationship resources, and insights about your individual emotional and psychological patterns. I’ll show you each how they affect your relationship (for better or worse) and what to do about it. All you have to do is answer a few questions in each lesson, and then I’ll give you some feedback. It’s simple and painless, I promise.

Personal growth is a lifelong journey that brings continuous improvement and positive changes to your life and marriage. By embracing Personal Process work and experiencing emotional growth, you’ll unlock your full potential, lead a more fulfilling life, and make meaningful contributions to your community and the world at large. Before we can be a loving, compassionate, supportive partner, we need to do that for ourselves. No one will ever be “done” with their own Personal Process, but if you don’t take care of your own baggage, it is very difficult to be a worthy partner in a marriage. You do not need to be perfect, just a work in progress – for as long as you both shall live.