Marriage Values: How Do You and Your Spouse Measure Up?
If you and your partner are in a loving relationship, chances are, you’re probably eager to make it last. Although every partnership is different, relationships are more likely to succeed when both parties share similar values. It can be easy to assume that you both somehow share the exact same values, but it is rare that any couple lines up across the board when considering what is most important to them. In fact, they may not even really know what their shared values are – and that leaves room for trouble down the road.
All too often, couples enter marriage with a single, high-value goal: happiness. But happiness does not just happen because you’re in love, it’s the product of various other factors, which need to be cared for and cultivated. It’s the individual values we embrace early on in the marriage that become the cornerstone for a fulfilling relationship. And when life springs things on you and tests the strength of your relationship, compatible relationship values can give you the guidelines to face issues together.
What Are Values?
Values refer to a set of guiding principles that dictate your behavior, attitudes, actions, and perspective. They determine how your relationship functions and what’s important to you. Mutual vaules are the foundation of every relationship. When couples establish their relationship on shared values, they are saying, ‘This is who we are, this is what’s important to us, and this is how we function as a couple.’ They are the glue that holds the relationship together—in good times and bad.
Although you don’t have to agree on every topic, if there are too many discrepancies in your values, or you can’t find common ground on matters that are personally important to you, you might need to reevaluate not only the relationship, but your personal responsibility in how you participate in the relationship as an individual. You both are contributing to the health of the marriage and agreeing on a few core marriage values will help you build something that lasts, maybe even for “as long as you both shall live.”
For a strong foundation that leads to a successful marriage, here are some of the most important values you need to share:
- Communication
- Commitment
- Trust
- Conflict management
- Respect
- Forgiveness
- Authenticity
- Empathy
- Finances
- Faith
Are you wondering where you and your future spouse line up on these issues and are in need some help before the big day to sort it all out? Don’t panic, I have created a premarital online course that will give you powerful insights about your personal values and beliefs and how they affect your relationships. We’ll go deeper into the topics mentioned above and I’ll provide you with lessons, relationship resources, and insights about your individual values and relationship goals. I’ll show you and your partner how to align your priorities, weave them into your daily life and cultivate a higher purpose for your marriage. All you have to do is answer a few questions in each lesson, and then I’ll give you some feedback. It’s simple and painless, I promise.
Remember: every relationship is different, and some of the values listed might not be as important to you as others. Please revisit this list and continue to refine it as you grow in your relationship. As you change over time as a couple, your values may change too. And that’s a good thing. If you learn to put your partner before yourself and focus on the true values in the marriage, you will find marriage will be less about looking for what makes you happy. It will be more about how to earn happiness in your relationship.