Stop The Cycle
In the previous lesson, you were introduced to the Relationship????? patterns of each Personality type. These patterns of behavior are typically developed in childhood, and are then carried into adulthood. We can recognizethis projection in ourselves and our spouses, and resolve much of the confusion and emotional charge of the issue at hand. These examples show us the tendency to react to a situation or person based on our past experiences (from childhood) rather than responding to it authentically in the present moment. Usually this reaction is not in proportion to the reality of the situation but gets overblown by past experience and expectations.
Our emotions and physical reactions can happen automatically, and it can be difficult to bring awareness to the present moment without falling into the established pattern. However, it is possible to recognize these patterns and release the power that the past has on the present moment. By being present and realizing that the overblown reaction is largely based on past experience, it becomes clear that there are other choices in how to respond to the present situation.
When you are experiencing a mental belief, emotional outburst, or physical sensation that is out of proportion to what is currently happening (you know, like you’re totally losing your mind…), it is likely that these patterns are surfacing. Just noticing that you’re having a “moment” and returning to deep breathing for a minute or two is generally all that is necessary to affect change in the present moment. Watch yourself in breakdown mode, and observe the little ways you talk yourself into the extreme scenario instead of the reality of the situation. It is difficult at first, but the more you practice this, the less power the pattern will have.
Another way that we avoid being authentic with ourselves is through projection. This is when we see a trait in another person – their tone of voice, mannerisms, or actions – and judge them for it. What is really going on is that we are noticing an aspect of ourselves in the other, whether we envy them or reject them, rather than understanding that this situation is reminding you of a part of yourself you might not want to accept. Once we realize that the other person is a mirror for what we need to learn or change about ourselves, the more authentic we can be.
It is crucial to understand these concepts and be on the lookout when interacting with our partner. They may have a whole list of ways that a situation should have been different or how someone wronged them in some way. Their feelings are very strong and feel very real, but the underlying lesson is for them to realize how they need to transform themselves, rather than try to figure out the other person or “fix” situation???????