Resource: How to Write a Marriage Mission Statement

It’s often said that the best way to meet goals is to write them down. Whether you are trying to pay off debt, or training for a marathon. The same can be said of marriage. Marriage is much like a marathon. Prayerfully it is lifelong covenant between a husband and wife where there are ups and downs, life changes, growing and stretching in both hearts all while racing hand-in-hand towards Jesus.

A marriage mission statement is a way to have a visual reminder of what is important to you as a couple so that on those hard days it will serve as a tool to keep focused on what matters most.

Enagaged couples, what better way to prepare for your marriage, and perhaps writing your own vows (if you caught our last post) than creating a marriage mission statement together. Already married? It’s never too late to create a mission or vision statement for your marriage. So let’s get started!

7 Ideas for Writing Your Marriage Mission Statement:

  1. Keep it intentional and simple. Your marriage mission statement should be based on your beliefs and core values. Do you believe in God? Do you feel compelled to minister to the widows and orphans? Do you believe in caring and serving each other? Do you believe in prayer?
  2. Define your core values together as a couple. Some examples of core values are honesty, accountability, faith, open communication, friendship, serving others. The list can go on and on. Write them out and circle 3-5 that jump out to each of you, then chat about similarities and differences you both have together.
  3. From your core-values create statements (or sentences!) based on those core values. For example: One of our core values is faith. So part of our marriage mission statement reads, “We begin and end each day with prayer together.” Notice that the sentence starts with “we.” I think this is the best part of writing this together. You are discussing what matters most to you as a couple, so start each of your sentences with “we” to keep it personal and what you agree to do each day of your lives.
  4. Define the purpose of your marriage. From a biblical point of view, our marriages are supposed to be a picture of how Jesus loves His bride (the church.) But you could also pray that your marriage is a Light for others who see you interact together. Or more importantly current or future children.  While the purpose of your marriage is not just for your children to live a happy and secure childhood, children do need stability from a joyful marriage. If we are working on our marriages everyday and being intentional that absolutely will be witnessed by our children.
  5. Incorporate favorite scriptures into your mission statement.  Write sentences inspired by the scripture, but reworded to make it personal. At the end of your sentence include the scripture reference. For example: “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 is your scripture. So this particular sentence or thought for your marriage mission statement could be, “We will love each other with boldness, so we are able to forgive quickly.”
  6. Add some personality! You can add an inside joke, a favorite movie quote or a nod to a favorite memory. For us we chose to end our marriage mission statement with, “we are each other’s lobsters.” If you are a fan of Friends, then you get it. 🙂
  7. Turn it into artwork! Have it hand-lettered or type it up on your computer so that you can hang it on your wall as a reminder you can read everyday!

Mission statements help you determine together what your final destination will be.  It helps you both get on the same page and determine what you want out of your relationship and life together.  Stephen Covey, the author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, explained that even with a mission statement, “Good families–even great families–are off track 90 percent of the time.”  What makes them good families is that they have a clear destination–so they know how to get back on track.

Writing a marriage mission statement does not have to be overwhelming.  I have outlined 12 steps that will help you from start to finish!  

1. Set aside a special time for both of you to work on your marriage mission statement together.

Make it a special occasion. You may want to do this over a vacation week or special getaway.  Even a weekend home with no distractions will work well. Just make it deliberate and intentional.

2. Ask questions and discuss what your family is all about.

Make sure both partners get an equal say. Listen carefully and seek to understand each other’s perspective. Write down the things you discuss.

3. Envision yourself at the end of your life.

Who do you want to be? What do you want said at your funeral? What marriage legacy do you want to leave?

4. Identify your core values, hopes, dreams, and ideals.

What matters most to you?  What kind of spouse do you want to be?  How do you want to resolve conflict?  How do you want to treat each other?  How do you want your partner to feel because of you?  What traditions do you want as part of your family?  What do you want your children to learn about relationships by watching you?

5. Think of phrases that capture what your family is about.

To . . . (do something)

In such a way that (how and in which manner)

So that . . . (we gain these results or benefits)

6. Decide on 10 or fewer BIG ideas

You can’t have 50 things that matter most.  Choose the most crucial elements that represent the core of what you value and who you want to become.

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7. Write out your marriage mission statement

You are going for concise here. 5-10 sentences.

8. Hang it in a prominent place in your home

Many people write out their marriage mission statement and then tuck it in a drawer and forget about it.  Put yours in a prominent place in your home that you will see it often.

9. Refer to it daily and USE IT

Your marriage mission statement should impact your actions on a daily basis.  These aren’t just good ideas to hang on the wall.  These are core values and principles that you want to guide your life.  Use it!!

10. Rewrite when necessary

Life circumstances change.  You get older and wiser.  You learn from your mistakes and boil out the fluff to what matters most.  It’s okay for your marriage mission statement to change if necessary.  When we did this many years ago, I was so worried about getting it absolutely perfect that it was a “work in progress” for years.  Finally, I had to accept that it was okay to change it later if we wanted to and use what we had in the meantime.

11. Develop short-term goals based on your marriage mission statement.

Use “how” questions to help guide you. How are we going to spend more time together? How are we going to feel close and connected?

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12. Memorize it

This is the reason you want your marriage mission statement concise.  Memorizing your mission statement makes a huge difference!  Those words will come back to your mind in moments when you need them most.

Questions for couples

What sort of relationship do we want to have as a couple?

How do we want to resolve our differences?

What kind of parents do we want to be?

What roles will each of us perform?

Which traditions from our own families do we want to carry over?

What principles do we want to teach our children?

What qualities do we want to ingrain in them?

What sort of people do we want our kids to be in 5, 10, 20 years?

Family Mission Statement Examples

“The mission of our family is to create a nurturing place of faith, order, truth, love, happiness and relaxation, and to provide opportunity for each individual to become responsibly independent, and effectively interdependent, in order to serve worthy purposes in society. “

Our family mission:

To love each other…

To help each other…

To believe in each other…

To wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others…

To worship together…


Families evolve, kids get older and circumstances change. So over time, your Family Mission Statement may need to evolve as well. 

In any case, it’s good to come back and review it on a semi-regular basis. 

Does it still resonate? Does it need a bit of a tweak? Maybe the kids are a bit older now and want to contribute?

To make sure this happens, you could create an annual event and make it a new family tradition. Or you could habit stack, by attaching it to an existing event, so you don’t forget to do it.

e.g. ‘Change your clocks, change your smoke detector batteries, review your Family Mission Statement’  

In our case, we will be reviewing our Mission Statement each year following our wedding anniversary. Or more regularly if needed. 

A Marriage Mission Statement (MMS) is a vision for what you want your marriage to be. Done well, it will help shape the next generation too, as the stronger YOUR relationship is the greater security and stability you will give you children. A MMS is an expression of your core values of life for your primary relationships ~ God and spouse. It will reflect your priorities – what’s important to you. It is a merger of what you believe life and marriage are about.

Keep in mind that in your MMS, you are not focusing on describing who you are as a couple now as much as whom you want to be in the future. It is true though the latter grows out of the former. A MMS becomes your goals – the target to aim for in your marriage. It is describing what it is you want and then agreeing to get on the same page.

Ultimately, the best MMS has to be something that you as husband and wife are very passionate about. It must truly grab you at a heart level. Your MMS needs to carry such weight in you that you pray that some version of it will be in the life of your children’s children long into the future. It is part of your legacy.

DD-Mission2It is out of this deep conviction about your MMS and your enthusiasm and commitment to it that you will be able to transfer the implications into your family and, Lord-willing, into the lives of all your kids before they leave home. Your marriage is ideally to be their best premarital preparation. It is said, “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree”. A MMS is your tree. Here is our MMS. It’s overly detailed and could use some tweaking but since we jointly aimed at this, we are quite happy and grateful to the Lord with how things turned out in our family.

Resource: How to Write a Marriage Mission Statement