If you and your partner are in a loving relationship, chances are, you’re probably eager to make it last. Although every partnership is different, relationships are more likely to succeed when both parties share similar values. These core beliefs are the foundation of every relationship, the guiding principles that determine how it operates. When couples establish their relationship on shared values, they are saying, ‘This is who we are, this is what’s important to us, and this is how we function as a couple. Shared values are the glue that holds the relationship together—in good times and bad.
What Are Values?
Values refer to a fundamental belief system that dictates your behavior, attitudes, actions, and perspective. They are the guiding principles that determine how your relationship functions and what’s important to you.
When you and your significant other are aligned on values, from boundaries to trust, you’ll have the strength to overcome obstacles and the ability to keep progressing as a unit.
If you’re on the path to tying the knot, there are certain values you need to agree on before becoming newlyweds. But, before you can establish shared values between the two of you, you must identify what you personally value.
Although you don’t have to agree on every topic, if there are too many discrepancies in your values or you can’t find common ground on matters that are personally important to you, Ross says you might need to reevaluate the relationship. For a strong foundation that leads to a successful marriage, here are some of the most important values you need to share.
Many factors contribute to the longevity of a romantic relationship. Having a successful relationship requires dedication and effort.
Also, relational success is more likely when people have similar relationship values.
Life will spring things on you and test the strength of your relationship.
In those situations, compatible relationship values can give you the necessary endurance to navigate through the roadblocks as a united front.
What are the core values?
When we talk about core values, we are referring to the fundamental beliefs that build your identity.
They guide our behavior giving us a compass of what is adequate and desirable as opposed to wrong and unacceptable.
When we don’t act in accordance with our core beliefs, we feel we are betraying the essence of who we are.
When we step away from what we feel we should be doing, guilt and shame arise.
Core values guide our decisions all the way from how we want to spend free time to how we want to raise kids and live our life.
Therefore, having compatible relationship values is key to thriving and lasting relationships.
Importance of shared relationship values
The commonality of core values in a relationship makes up for more spontaneous decision making, more peaceful conflict resolution, and more efficient communication. One might say qualities essential to a relationship full of understanding, respect, and love.
Furthermore, relationship values guide us on the journey of achieving the life we want. Therefore, when partners’ values are compatible, the type and quality of life they strive to achieve is quite similar too.
Having the overall goal for life alike makes all the smaller decisions more effortless to make, and thus relationship satisfaction higher.
Studies confirm that partners with similar communication values are not only more attracted to each other, but they are also more satisfied with their relationship.
Having different values in a relationship can double the work. When we want different things in life, we are no longer just trying to resolve how we get there; we simultaneously have to negotiate with our partner about it.
Not to say that differences can’t be worked out; however, we probably agree that things run smoother when we are all in accord.
For example, imagine your partner values solitude, and you value companionship. The closer you try to move to them, the more they need to step away.
You might feel excluded and not intimate enough. No doubt that this can be worked out, but it will require more effort than it would to a couple who shares companionship as a value.
Furthermore, some values are hard to compromise on.
For example, if monogamy is something you value and they don’t, no matter other qualities you appreciate about them, it will be hard to get over that basic discrepancy.
Conflict will happen, and it is inevitable for all relationships. However, the more we agree about core relationship values, the easier we will resolve it.
For example, marriage core values, such as respect and forgiveness, when shared among partners, can be of immense help in conflict management. It can significantly reduce adverse communication.
The more we agree on foundational values in a relationship, the smoother our approach to solving life challenges becomes.
How to know what you and your partner’s relationship values are?
Sometimes we can get to a part of the answer by asking a simple question, “what do you value in a relationship” but creating a relationship core values list is not necessarily a straightforward job.
Often it is useful to take notice of the approaches you take when life challenges happen. Those speak about partners’ morals and values in a relationship.
Relationship core values are present in everyday decisions; however, they are the most evident when we have a big one to make.